Saturday, May 26, 2012

13

I've managed to start restricting.  I had 995 calories yesterday.  I weighed 124.5-ish (damn analog scale) today.  And I've had 880 calories today.  I'm not going to have any more.  I have to work early in the morning so I've got to go to bed soon.  I don't have anything else I want to say because no one reads this anyway.

~Kes

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

12

I've been reading blogs as much as I can but I'm usually short on time and can't comment or have no idea what to say.  I'm stuck trying to decide which job I would rather have.  Work at a farm store or work at Wal-Mart.  Wal-Mart offered to move me to the deli yesterday.  It would pay 50 cents more than cashier.  Making it only 10 cents less than the farm store.  I'd probably get more hours in the deli.  But the drive is longer.  But I'd probably like it more and gas is cheaper in Iowa...  I just don't know...  I hate making decisions.  A couple people want me to stay at Wal-Mart just so they can see me more (one works in Wal-Mart electronics and one lives in Iowa and works within walking distance of Wal-Mart).  Both of them like me.  The walking distance one wants to date me but I won't date him til he gets his shit together and proves it to me and the electronics one wants to date but he doesn't feel like he's emotionally stable enough for a relationship (he's socially awkward and hasn't had luck with relationships like at all and he's bipolar - like me - and he has anxiety and he said he had depression too but I can't see that being a separate diagnosis with him - I think it's just the depression part of the bipolar that got him labeled as depressed).  Anyway.  I doubt anyone reads this now since I've been so MIA.  I don't have my bloating issues anymore and I think I'm losing weight.  I just don't want to weigh myself...  I'm just nervous.  I'm gonna try liquid fasting today.  I'm not gonna be too upset if I fail.  I'd try a real fast except I would end up puking because that's what lithium does to me without food or milk (or something similar to milk).  I'll try to weigh in tomorrow.  That's about all I have to say...

~Kes

Sunday, May 13, 2012

11

I've been busy with work and dealing with my mother and crazy grandma.  I haven't really had much to say.  Last time I weighed myself I weighed 130.  I hated it.  I almost cried.  It's either related to the stomach/gut issues I've been having or related to the lithium I'm prescribed.  Although the lithium might be causing the weight gain and the stomach/gut issues.  I don't know though.  Tuesday I go back to the psychiatrist.  I really don't want to stay on lithium.  I'm going into a manic phase again.  Lithium is supposed to help that.  It hasn't helped enough.  I need something different.  I've been more irritable and stuff since I've been on this higher dose.  The lower dose wasn't strong enough.  Why can't I just be normal?  My finger has a kind of nasty cut on it.  Thanks to my own stupidity.  That happened yesterday.  I don't really know what else to say...  Maybe after Tuesday I can start some new meds and lose weight...

~Kes

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

10

So far today I've had a can of soup (~175) and 15 M&Ms (52) and some tea.  Went and saw the psychiatrist today.  Good thing it was today because I ran out of lithium Sunday.  Up to 1200 mg a day now instead of 600.  Gotta go do the blood test like the 12th and go back the 15th.  The psychiatrist used to work at a psych ward I was in.  He worked there while I was there.  I'm starting to wonder if he was my psychiatrist there...  He asked me if I ever had anorexia or bulimia.  Uhhh....  Next question?  So he thinks I have bipolar II, borderline personality disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder.  Fun...
Had an oral drug test for a job yesterday.  I passed but it was the most annoying thing.  Rub this awkward thing around my mouth then stick in my cheek for 10 minutes and let it get all soggy and nasty then wait another 10 minutes after for the results.  I need a job.  I think it would be easier to lose weight when I have a job.  But it'll get easier as the weather gets warmer too.  If it would ever quit raining though.  I've been stressed and busy lately.  Did I mention my grandma is crazy and isn't allowed to drive so my mom has to drive her everywhere and I get stuck doing everything at home.  I refuse to say my weight.  I feel nauseous.  Damn lithium...  Guess I gotta drink some milk or eat something... >:(

~Kes